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家园 《分水岭》第一章勘误

本次勘误不考虑以下问题:

一,涉及政治与意识形态,为了通过审查而有意为之的漏译。包括基督徒之间以兄弟姐妹相称的敬语,涉及“共产主义”一词的语句,等等。

二,对于圣经引文的自行翻译而非选取现有译本。

三,语感较差但语法正确的英语从句译法。

原文前标注的页码均为《分水岭》(以下简称《分》)的页码。正译均选自本人的译本《劈波蹈海》(以下简称《劈》)。

最后再说一句,我很想知道中青译者刻意淡化原文的基督教色彩究竟是为了过审还是因为自身对于基督教不够了解。原著三部曲的标题——Parting the Waters,Pillar of Fire,At Canaan's Edge——对应的分别是旧约当中先知摩西生平三件大事——分开红海带领以色列人逃离埃及,在火柱指引下荒野游荡四十年,临终前望见迦南地而不得入。马丁.路德.金本人也曾在遇害前不久将自己比作摩西。因此我认为《劈波蹈海》是比《分水岭》更贴切的译法。

第一章:

P1:Nearly seven hundred Negro communicants, some wearing white robes, marched together in the exodus of 1867.

误:1867年的黑人大迁徙队伍里有一群将近700人的宗教团体,他们中有些人穿着白袍。

正:1867年,将近七百名黑人教会成员——其中有些人穿着白色长袍——并肩迈步发动了一场远征。

分析:700名黑人是行动主体而不是其中的一部分。

P3: And because those same deacons also made it a tradition to choose the best trained, most ambitious ministers, titanic struggles after the fashion of those between European monarchs and nobles became almost a routine of church life at Dexter.

误:……他们效仿欧洲君主与贵族之间的种种展开巨大争斗。这些成了德克斯特浸信会中的常规事务。

正:……因此德克斯特大道浸信会的教会生活内部充满了足以与欧洲王室政治博弈相提并论的激烈冲突。

分析:after the fashion of在此并无主动效仿的意味。黑人教会并不会主动“效仿欧洲君主与贵族”。

P6:That year Nesbitt went home with the name of a prestigious, highly trained candidate for the vacant pulpit at Dexter--a man further recommended to the church's tastes by his attendance at no less than five colleges, and by the possession of four names, Alfred Charles Livingston Arbouin.

误:……因为他至少在5所学院上过学,并且有4个名字……

正:……另外此人不仅上过五所大学,而且他的名字足有四节……

分析:如果真是四个不同的名字,名字之间应用逗号隔开。

P7:Dexter鈥檚 stolid deacons were accustomed to quality, but in Johns they recognized a mind of a higher order altogether.

误:教堂的执事们原本就很敬业……

正:德克斯特的执事们也算见过世面……

分析:be accustomed to quality无论如何也没有敬业的意思。

P7:Vernon Johns was merely another invisible man to nearly all whites, but to the invisible people themselves he was the stuff of legend.

误:对所有的白人来说,弗农.约翰斯仅仅是一位“隐形人”……

正:黑人在绝大部分白人眼里都是不存在的隐身人,弗农.约翰斯也不能例外……

分析:没有译出another一词。

P8:When Price died about 1900, Sallie Price Johns went to the funeral with her young son Vernon and her husband Willie, son of the hanged slave, and sat through the burial services in a separate-but-equal family section, just across the gravesite from Miss Kitty and the white relatives.

误:……萨丽.普赖斯.约翰斯……重新面对这样一种疏离而又平等的家庭关系,耐着性子坚持完整场葬礼,普赖斯就埋在“凯蒂小姐”和其他白人亲戚的坟墓对面。

正:……一家人坐在“分离但平等”的席位上,凯蒂小姐以及普莱斯的白人亲戚们则坐在他们对面,普莱斯的坟墓就隔在双方中间。

分析:separate-but-equal是描述种族关系的专用名词。此外身为白人的普赖斯也没理由不与其他白人埋在一起。最后“凯蒂小姐”和其他白人亲戚是葬礼的参与者而不是已经下葬的死者。

P8: It lay at the extreme northern boundary of the rich agricultural Black Belt……

误:它坐落在黑人居住区最北部的边界……

正:这个县位于丰饶的农业黑土带的最北部边界……

分析:维基百科Black Belt (U.S. region)词条表明,The term originally described the prairies and dark fertile soil of central Alabama and northeast Mississippi. Because this area was developed for cotton plantations based on enslaved African-American labor, the term became associated with these conditions. 从政治角度翻译成黑人区也无妨,但是原文已经点出了agricultural,因此正确译法应当是黑土带。

P9: Poor eyesight caused him to vow as a youth that he would read the small print of the Bible only once.

误:他视力不佳,所以在年轻时曾经乞求能读一遍小号字体印刷的《圣经》也好。

正:他的视力很差,以至于少年时曾经发誓只肯将小字印刷的圣经阅读一遍。

分析:按照误译,原文应为if he could only read the small print of the Bible once

P9:……Oberlin had already turned Johns down because of his worthless credits.

误:……因为约翰斯的学分不够,奥柏林学院已经拒绝了他的申请。

正:奥柏林学院早已决定不录取他了,因为他提供的入学申请资质毫无价值。

分析:只有得到录取之后的学生才有学分。

P9:In later years, he would discard his Latin and Hebrew on aesthetic grounds……

误:后来几年他并没有学习拉丁文和希腊文

正:日后约翰斯将会因为审美口味不合而放弃拉丁语与希伯来语

分析:discard为放弃之意

P10:……he remarked that no country Negro could make the grades Johns was making without cheating.

误:除非作弊,没有哪个国家的黑奴能够取得约翰斯的分数。

正:没有哪个乡下来的黑人能够不靠作弊就取得约翰斯这样的成绩。

分析:Negro是当时对于黑人的政治正确称呼,并没有贬义,更不等同于黑奴。

P10:his brother would often meet him at the station with a fresh horse,

误:他弟弟总是牵着一匹刚出生没多久的马驹在火车站等他,

正:回来时他弟弟经常牵着一匹精神饱满的马匹在车站迎接他。

分析:且不说“刚出生没多久的马驹”能否骑乘,约翰斯每次出门之后家里都要新添马驹也不合常理。

P13:Johns told the chief and his men that the sermon would be open to everyone but that he would be happy to give a preview on the spot, in case they were too intimidated to attend a Negro church.

误:约翰斯告诉局长和警察,布道将会向所有人开放,他相当赞成他们的想法,能立刻来场预演,免得大家太怕进入黑人教堂。

正:约翰斯告诉警察局长和他的部属们,这次布道将会向所有人开放。不过考虑到有些白人兴许没有胆量走进黑人教堂,他也很乐意在各位警官面前现场预演一番。

分析:误译当中的“他相当赞成他们的想法”恐怕是看到he would be happy to 之后的反应。

P17: “I want to pause here in the service, until Dr. Trenholm can get himself seated here on his semi-annual visit to the church.”

误:“讲到这里我要停一下,特伦荷穆博士,您要是能保证每半年来一次,我才能让您在这里坐。”

正:“我想暂停布道,直到特伦霍姆博士坐下来为止。每半年来教堂访问一次的稀客理应得到尊重。”

P18:He named the Alabama State business professors and challenged the congregation to name an actual business to which any of them had ever applied himself.

误:他点名要亚拉巴马州立大学商学院教授回答,还挑战教堂会众,让他们说出一种目前黑人可以效力的商业名称。

正:他点了几位阿拉巴马州立大学商学院教授的名字,并且要求会众们说出哪怕一项他们当中任何一个人曾经亲身经营过的商业活动。

P21:Besides, I get forty calls about fish for every one about religion.

误:此外,因为鱼的问题,我被宗教人士传唤了40次。

正:此外,向我下订单买鱼的电话与向我咨询宗教问题的电话的数量大约是四十比一。

分析:低级错误。

P21:As a deacon known to be personally sympathetic to Johns, and as a member of the minority “Non-teacher clique” that was less hostile toward the preacher, Nesbitt found himself under attack for failing to control Johns, who went on selling produce.

误:……而且他本人也不爱说教,对牧师并没有什么敌意……

正:……作为“非教师派系”少数派的成员,他对于布道人的敌意也没那么大……

分析:前文提到过德克斯特教会大多数成员都是阿拉巴马州立大学教师。

P21:He never opened the pulpit Bibles during his tenure at Dexter, but he wore out at least three of them with his fists.

误:在德克斯特教堂任期内,他从未在讲坛上翻开过圣经,但至少有三次他用尽力气捶在圣经上。

正:他在德克斯特任职期间从未在布道坛上翻看过圣经,但是却用拳头砸烂了至少三本圣经。

分析:wore out有耗损殆尽之意。

P22:……the Ku Klux Klan had burned a cross in his brother’s yard to intimidate the Johns family over a school strike.

误:……在他哥哥家的院子里烧了一座十字架。

正:……在他弟弟的院子里焚烧了一座十字架,

分析:联系下文可知。

P23:NAACP could not sue for better Negro schools--only for completely integrated ones.

误:协进会不能通过诉讼换来更好的黑人学校——除非多所学校作为统一整体进行争取。

正:协进会不能为了提升黑人学校的硬件质量而打官司,只能为了推动彻底种族混合的学校而打官司。

分析:误译完全没有考虑布朗诉托皮卡教育局案件的背景,因此没能正确理解integrated一词。

P24:it was considered a bad sign that ever fewer churchwomen favored the pastor’s house with cooked dishes from their kitchens.

误:从自家厨房拿来饭菜帮助教会的女性会众越来越少。

正:带着亲手烹制的家常菜来到牧师家里串门的女性会众也越来越少见了。

分析:pastor’s house指的是教会为牧师提供的住宅。

P28:She thought it was a fault she shared with her uncle.

误:她认为她一定要帮助伯父分担这次错误带来的后果。

正:她认为她和她大伯都有这个毛病。

通宝推:笑莫问,决不倒戈,Bullfrog,南云北望,mezhan,bayerno,
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