主题：请手边有英语笑话的人来帮个忙 -- 扬州小羊
家园 请手边有英语笑话的人来帮个忙 口语课老师突然布置了一个作业，每人上台讲一个80单词左右的英语笑话，还要做成PPT的格式。。。。。。
我一琢磨，我只会中文的笑话，还都是什么北极熊拔毛冷死了或者火柴挠痒痒把自己烧死了之类的，或者是书记是市长生的市长在书记下面之类酒桌上带颜色的，所以只好求教手边有英文报纸之类的大拿帮帮忙，看能不能给我个英文笑话。
不清楚这种求助帖子应该放在哪里，只好发在新兵营了。
本帖一共被 1 帖 引用 (帖内工具实现)家园 整中式的英文吧，去找找山寨英文版的说句心里话 家园 A joke about Bush President Jeorge Bush asked one of his secretaries standing just beside him during his visit to Mexico, " Could you speak Mexican?"
家园 一个英国工人讲的关于新西兰人的笑话 hi, do you know how the wikis count?
one, two, three, four, five,
six, six,en.....six, sex...sex..
oh yes, sex sex...
they will never make it to seven..
家园 我老师给我讲过一个嘲笑穆斯林的，这个不好，但是说说而已 我这老师英国人，看不上穆斯林，我估计这厮心里也看不上华人。。。
有此，他讲了这么个笑话，英文原文忘了，大概意思是这样
if you put one ham on your head, what do you say?
--ham on head,
yes, then if you put more hams on your head, what do you say?
--ur...more-ham-on-head....
Muhammad
再次声明啊，这个不太好，但是就是想告诉大家有这么个东西
家园 put one ham on your head, 把哈木放在头上干什么呢？ 整个人作一个热狗吗？
家园 我女儿有好多，给你讲俩容易记的 Why does six dislike seven?
Because seven eight nine. (说明一下：9是6颠倒过来，算是6的哥们儿，而数字789这样念下来，就是7 ate 9，7要吃了9，所以6不喜欢7)。
Race
Dog is in lead, tomato is catching up, tap is running.
（说明：这都是双关语，狗领先，也可以说是狗被牵着，西红柿在赶，用了番茄酱Ketch-up的谐音，水龙头在跑也是水龙头在滴答水的意思）。
家园 这种双关很难了。一定要在这个文化中生活久了才能明白。
家园 我给美国朋友讲过侯宝林的相声，效果不错 One dark night, two men were on the street, both were drunk.
One said "I'm not drunk"
The other said "Really?" He took out a flashlight, turned it on, and stood it on the ground "If you aren't drunk, why don't you climb up this light column"
The first man looked up, shook his head, and said "I told you I'm not drunk, I know what you are trying to do -- once I climb up there, you turn off the light, and I'll fall on my butt!"
用Word数了一下，正好88个字，不错吧
家园 哈哈，多谢，没想到这个段子还有英文版的 家园 侯宝林的相声 One dark night, two drunk men were debating on the street.
One said "I'm not drunk"
The other asked, "Sure." Then he took out a flashlight from his pocket, turned it on, and stood it on the ground on the bottom. "Mr. Not Drunk, are you able to climb up along this pillar?"
The first man looked up to the end of the light beam, shook his head, and said "Oh no, I am not that drunk. I know what you are gonna do -- as soon as I come to the middle, you bad bastard turn off the botton, and I am gonna fall on my butt!"
关键词(Tags): #外语学习，
家园 here is one An engineer sinned and he went to hell. Upon arrival, he started fixing things. Before long, water started flowing, heating worked again, and hell became a rather comfortable place to live. God heard about this and called Satan.
"I want this engineer up here."
"No way. I am keeping him here."
"If you don't let him go, I will sue you."
Satan laughed and laughed and laughed. God got angry:
"What's so funny?"
Satan replied:
"You want to sue me. Where do you think all the lawyers are?"